Googlebookmarks are wonderful…it totally adds a since of solidarity to my browsing now that I have web links from work at home and vice versa…rather then wandering around the internet in a permanent state of hazy discord, I now has purpose and direction…memories yes?!?!

I was accepted into the YACG forum today. I think this marks a turning point in my project…simply one of many projects, this one is to build an adsense site. The YACG forum is fantastic, very in-depth tutorials, a warm cultured[not vultured, Syndk8] learning environment with support wikis and lots of good tools and information.

The lamb shoulder is thawing today, we’re going to marinate it tomorrow and roast it on sunday at Wolfkeep! I haven’t been using my camera much, that is something I really want to do. Sunday…I’ll take lots of pictures, promise!!

alright…its 3:20 in the morning. Maya went to bed hours ago, and I stayed up fixerating this blog and trying to explain to my friend Eric how I’ve been eating raw meat for almost a year and I’m not dead yet. He’s not entirely convinced…but I think he is starting to understand that I still exist.

I have to work so soon…ughly. I’d better just cut it short. I am starting to like how this looks though. Still have some things to do, but it sure ain’t bad. He is a picture from our sunday night dinner, at Rachel’s this week. Achmed amazingly managed to stay focus’d on the computer with all of us squirming on top of him, Maya took the photo.

Helena this weekend. Elk, lots of butchering. A hide too. need lye. Dry Socket. eck flegm. OWWW!!!! Meds, happies, pills, and poppers. Fuzz buzz fuzz, back at worik, nurse rinses it out, equips me. yes, I can has power too! More painkillers.

Worked for a bit today on making an adsense site. I told myself I want to make just one, to go through the process. Test out the waters so to speak. I’m thinking I am going to use wordpress to manage the content, I’ll probably just write it for sake of simplitude. I pulled a good list of keywords out of google’s tool, registered a domain name, bought some related content on onedollarwiki.com, and installed wordpress. Until my boss Alex, pointedly asked me if I had work to be doing. I really rub him wrong when I’m off task. I understand why, if I was paying someone by the hour to be doing work, I’d have pretty solid views on what they did with their that time too.

I get so damned bored, and the allure of das internets takes over. Given it’s a pretty uninspired allure, but it beats heckling symantec enterprise tech support about their buggy products they sold us for gallons of cash. I don’t want to drive Alex up the wall. He’s really cool, and fun, and works way too hard, but he has a family and that’s all he knows. And he does a really good job at what he does.

I either have to not work on my sites…which is totally bunk, because usually I just get distracted reading and [trying to] absorb gounds of infomation, rather then actually doing much. Or, pay attention to whether Alex is in the building, and stay 100% on task while he’s present. Feeling relentlessly rebellious with a righteous dose of apathy today I’m going to try the second option.

Truth is, working a job sucks. I don’t have a degree, I’m not really sure whether that would be any better. Yeah, I’d have a larger check every few weeks, but I’d still have to contribute 1/3 of my existence to colonizing human creativity and shelling it out to likely suitors. Schools not really any better. I don’t want to work anymore, but I don’t really have any other choices if I want to stay in Missoula.

I will try to not think about it. There are so many other things I can address right now, fretting of things I can’t fix…tsk tsk. I love my father, I think he feels the same way about work, but he has this attitude that there is nothing to be done about it, except set yourself up to be higher in the system. That is not entirely true…he also told me the trick is just to find something you love. There is some truth in that I think. If I were fully energetically engaged all day long, I wouldn’t give a shit about money. But that seems like something so remote right now. I have rent due today, and not enough money to pay it…bills, I don’t think I’ve paid the electricity bill in three monthes. But I’m not in debt…I just owe people a fair hunk of money. =)

I have no rights to complain, about anything. There are so many people out there that have much more pressing concerns then their rent and electricity bills. I’m going to make along just fine…as long as I keep that job hah!…There are many positive things in my life that don’t get appreciated. It’s a terribly well-spread story. As a little boy, my mother would ask me to tell her ten things I am grateful for as we were going to sleep. I resented it as totally not-important and a waste of time. These days, I’m not so sure.

I live with the most wonderful young woman I’ve ever known, she is radiant, glowing with care and love. She is fun to be around, very well centered and balanced, but incredibly tough and adventurous. In a wild dream, we would be people of the earth, caring for it’s bounty and laughing into eternity. We work well together as a domestic couple of humans too. We have little (perception) money, but we have access to foods and nourishment that most of the world, and all of America has forbidden to them through one means or another.

We could have anything we desire, I could have anything I desire. If I was willing to work for it. If I wanted to get a degree, I could easily have one with no student loans when it was all over. How many people have that opportunity? To go to school and be able to walk away with no debts. That is extremely lucky. How many people fought tooth and claw for their rights to even attend school, for that opportunity, how many dedicated years of their efforts, energy, intent, and dreams to that fantasy of education.

There is a whole slew of terms that need apply. My parents don’t even bring them up at the dinner table…at the rarity that I show up for dinner, they have been divorced forever. Both remarried, some children involved here and there. Both make good money, work very hard, for themselves. They are somewhat secretly hoping that I will come to my senses and hop back on the schooltrain. Who knows…all this talk about taking things for granted, and I’m starting to feel a wan fondness for good ol’ school. It wouldn’t last long. Two weeks back in the system, and I’d freak the fuck out and lick somebody on the face. It feels good to be writing again. Thanks Celina for the comment the other day. I think very highly of you. You can be my blogsister if you like, Morgan won’t mind she is really cool and probably about your age. I am very impressed with how saavy you are for being so young, and your schooldirt reminds me of all the people I don’t know any longer.

Thanks Rachel the Imaginer for your magic…and care to the tinier moments. You take the time, and I drop the jar. Shatter-ed! I’m so lucky to be around your lifeblood. It’s about time I put some pictures up. A rocky ledge overlooking Missoula, and a picture from the Occidental Plateau outside Jefferson City. Montana, all my dreams are belong to you. huhur =)

Mariah, Owen, and I are driving to Helena again this weekend. It’s friday, and I have three projects going on at work. I want to talk about them, but when I start to think about how I would go about explaining, my head hurts and I give up. But they are for DJ & A Professional Consultants, Felco Industries, and Mars Scott Law Offices.

Dad shot an elk, he called me on tuesday. A young cow, but still large. We’re going to go for the hide and help butcher it. Mariah is going to stay in Butte with her family, who are there for one of Meliss’s tournaments.

I got my wisdom teeth pulled out finally. Wednesday it was…I did NOT want to go at all. But Mariah got work off early and drove me out to reserve street. She is really good at driving a stick for “not knowing how to drive a stick”…she was superb. I filled out the paperwork on the way there, and gave it to Willie. I didn’t like Dr. Taylor much. He did not seem happy…or even really interested in what he was doing. I didn’t want him working on my teeth, they had me sign a sheet of possibilities before the procedure, and there were things like permanent nerve damage, broken jaws, all kinds of gnarliness.

I liked the nurses though, they weren’t embarrassed, and didn’t look away while I was changing. After I was naked, all wrapped up in a paper robe, one of them even went and got my jeans, and had me put them back on, so we wouldn’t have to do it after the operation.

They were both very nice and young, couldn’t have been too much older then me I think. I asked one of them what I would feel, she said I’d be warm, and a bit fuzzy. As they were fussing over me on the chair, a tall lanky black man came into the room. He was dressed like an orderly and had a big ol’ grin on his face. He looked at me and the two girls hovering over me and just started laughing. They called him Carlo, and tried to shoo him away. I had really started to slip at this point, kind of like falling in extreme slow motion away from your vision, which is like a television screen that is really far away, and nearly silent. But the last thing I remember thinking was that I wanted Carlo to do the operation, I had to tell the nurses to get Carlo, not Dr. Taylor to do it.

And then I remember something about painkillers and a car, and then I was at home on the couch. That was two days ago, and wow…it was easy. My face feels radioactive now, I hate my monitor at work. I am going to go get some lunch. Haven’t had anything but a mouthful of green juice and a hunk of raw cheese this morning. God, Mariah drives me crazy, or more like I drive myself crazy over her. I struggle…I’m so horny all the time. And then sometimes I’m just tired and want to cuddle, but it seems like I’m always hounding after her body or her attentions. She’s a pretty good sport, but it surely must annoy her sometimes. I don’t think she tells me when it does.

At the same time I feel like we’d both appreciate each other more if I could just lay off of it for a while, and forget about sex, and her body, and being naked. Sometimes I feel determined to do so. It doesn’t last long. At the slightest sign of excitement from her, I’m already diving off the ship. Silly rabbit. Maybe this week will give us a chance to get away from each other a bit.

Kind of like one of those greedy public experiments a psychologist will pull at your bible study group. Where he/she tells everyone they’ll put a dollar in the bowl every minute until someone takes the money…and if only you and the people next to you could resist grabbing it, you’d have a lifetime supply…but I’m like the person that can’t stand just to sit there and let it build…I just want to taste it!!!

oh dear…okay lunch now. bye, blog. bye.

Is that weakness? I’m sorry Maya.